Sexy No Jutsu
by JuneGilbertVivianRaeven
Summary: Tsunade, Shizune and Tonton are headed back with Jiraiya and After a rowdy night last night, all Jiraiya wants is some peace and quiet Doesn't seem he's gonna get it with his childhood crush and his newest student ... T for pervertedness and lemon (explanation inside for
1. Chapter 1

**Hey all! This is set when Jiraiya and Naruto are taking Tsunade and Shizune back to Konohagakure. **

Sexy No Jutsu

"Jiraiya... Wake up..."

My eyes flickered open, and I barely registered what I was seeing in front of me. A petite blond woman was standing in my inn room, dressed to kill in a... a devil's costume? That was when I focused in. The woman's breasts were amazingly large for her small frame, and her golden blonde hair cascaded down to her back, glinting in the moonlight from the cheap window. Her nipples were covered by little scraps of red fabric, and my doorway to heaven was only covered by the same scraps. Her breasts looked so inviting though... I could feel myself hardening at the mere sight. And the thought of caressing those beauties... It was almost enough to start me on a nosebleed.

I was mostly drooling over her breasts, which she kept tracing the outlines of with elfin fingers and barely noticed when she started taking steps towards me. When she knelt, I had an overwhelming urge to bury my face in her breasts. A small, feminine hand prevented this however. She caressed my jaw, and I leaned into her hand, hardening further at the softness of the milky skin.

The hand tilted my face up to be face to face with my angel. Which was when I suddenly snapped into reality. This woman's eyes were a deep golden, and the same shape as... Uh oh. The pale skin, the heavenly size of her breasts, even the lavender diamond shape that I was just noticing all made sense. I tried to scrabble backward, just sure that this was one of Tsunade's tricks. I hadn't ever gotten this one played on me before, though, so...

"Jiraiya? What's wrong," Tsunade asked, her soft pink lips still in a smile, "Isn't this what you've wanted since before he died?"  
I looked for that tell-tale flush of sake on her cheeks, even though she wasn't slurring. She had to be drunk to proposition me. Or it was just a dream. Yeah. Erotic dream is all. Although I'd never had a dream quite this vividly smutty before... I'd always just had her clothes off. I'd had a few kinkier dreams but they had never involved this particular outfit...

"Jiraiya?"  
"Tsunade," I said softly, smiling a little resignedly. It had to be a dream.

I reached my hand out and pulled her into my arms. A low noise escaped her as I gently caressed over her left breast. Gently, I leaned my head in and kissed her cheek, whispering, "Yes. This is what I've wanted for nearly forty years, Hime..."

* * *

**Naruto's POV**

He had thought this would be a perfect idea. Take a few pictures of Pervy Sage while he slept, draw stuff on his face, and then get out. It'd be perfect revenge for the old man stealing his wallet earlier this trip. And doing the same to Granny later had seemed kinda cool too, since they had boozed out his wallet together anyways.

Turns out this hadn't been one of his brighter ideas. Pery Sage had woken up at the wrong time, and the first thing Naruto had thought of was to transform into Granny Tsunade. He'd been practicing, just for kicks (and to make his Sexy Jutsu better, Granny Tsunade looked pretty hot for an old lady), and it turned out to come in handy.

Or so he thought.

Naruto was squirming on the inside. His Sensei had fallen for his nearly perfect Tsunade illusion hook, line and sinker- but now what? They were getting too dang close for comfort, Naruto thought unhappily as his Sensei hugged the borrowed form close. It was even weirder when he felt Jiraiya's lips touch his cheek. What made Naruto extremely uncomfortable was the fact that his mentor slept almost nude, except the mesh armor he wore at all times. It was one thing to see Pervy Sage while in the bath, but Pervy Sage horny... Even though the caressing of Pervy Sage's big hands felt oddly good, Naruto was wanting out. Fast. Before something happened that both of them would regret.

"Tsunade... I..."

Oh no. Nononono. Pervy Sage would kill him if he heard whatever was coming. Naruto could tell by the tone Jiraiya's voice took on. Obviously it was supposed to just be between Tsunade and Jiraiya-sensei. Welp, only one way out of this not so little mess he had gotten himself into.

"...I love you. I always have..."

Naruto loosed the Sexy Jutsu, reverting to his normal self.

* * *

**Jiraiya's POV**

I abruptly realized that Tsumade's body had gotten a lot smaller. With spiky lemon yellow hair instead of the smooth gold I was used to. Rage came to life within me, along with a flicker of annoyance at myself. My talents for self-delusion had reached new heights it appeared...

I grabbed the kid by the scruff. He was rigid, petrified by my chakra's spiking in my own muddled feelings. Standing up, I kicked off the blankets so they wouldn't tangle my feet. Dragging Naruto to the cheap window, I opened it with my free hand. Without comment, I threw him by the scruff out the window and slammed it shut without looking to see how far he went. Dusting my hands off, I muttered, "Stupid gaki... You should be glad you got off with just a toss and a night outside..."

"Student playing pranks on you again, neh Jiraiya?"

I answered easily, knowing who was behind me. I had double-checked her chakra this time.

"Yep. Little idiot thinks he can pull the wool over my eyes," I said, turning to face her with a grin plastered on my face, "But no one can fool the Great Sage who has no enemies!"

She cocked a brow, "Really? Then why did I see you caressing that gaki while he took my form?"

My face got really, really hot. I knew I was blushing like I'd drank a ton of sake, but I'd had no such luck tonight. Instinctively, I took a step back, just waiting for her to lash out a left hook or a right uppercut. Or worse, Heavenly Foot of Pain. But there was an unreadable look on her face, which kind of scared me more.

"Ehh, Tsunade... you aren't mad about that are you?"

"HOW LONG JIRAIYA?!"

I jumped, confused by her sudden volume increase.

"Shh, Hime-chan, people are sleeping..."

"Honestly, I don't give a shit right now. How LONG Jiraiya?" Her golden eyes, the ones I had missed for thirty odd years, gleamed with an intensity I hadn't seen since Dan died. A cold shiver went up my spine when I thought of the blue-haired man.

"How long were you here?"

"Long enough."

"Answer me Hime! How much did you hear?!"

Tsunade then pulled something I hadn't seen since we were teenagers. She stuck her tongue out at me, pulling a ridiculous face.

"Answer my question first, baka! How long?"

"How long what?"

She stomped her foot in frustration, the room reverberating with the sound as well as a few cracks to the floor.

"How long have you l-l-l-"

"Loved you?"

It was her turn to blush. She looked away from me, scuffing her foot along the cracks she'd made in the floor and her cheeks turning a dusky pink in the moonlight coming in from the cheap inn window. Tsunade nodded slowly.

I cleared my throat, thought better of it, coughed again and uncomfortably looked away from her. It would be a disservice to her to confess exactly how long. It had been thirty years since I had last propositioned her for a date. It felt too awkward, like meeting an ex. Even though I still felt the same way about her. Besides, I wasn't too sure that I even knew how long it had been since I really loved her.

Had it started when we were kids, fighting with each other all the time? Had it started when we were teenagers, always squabbling and smacking each other around about other people we were seeing? Well, Tsunade did most of the smacking, but you get the point... Did it start after Dan died, when she was pretty much out of my reach forever? I sighed inwardly. There was no real way to tell.

"I'm waiting for an answer Jiraiya!"

Ok. Better not to piss her off on purpose, considering what she just saw. And that she's stepping in for me where I don't want to pick up the slack. I mean, it's a lot to ask of her, to become Hokage...

"Honestly Tsunade, I don't know how long. All I know is that I do love you. All of you," I said, smiling in an attempt to regain the bravado I had lost.

Her head had tilted down, and she had drawn together. _Defensive pose. When she's trying very hard to figure something out. _

"Why?"

...

I took a deep breath, and just said it.

"You're the most beautiful woman on earth. I've tried to forget you, but it never works. You are always on my mine, Hime. Your laugh makes me grin, every smile from you is a victory for me, and when you cry...It makes me want to torture the person who made you cry till every tear is paid for in blood," I said simply, "And, well, best of all... You stand up to me."

Tsunade quirked a brow at me for the last one. I snorted sheepishly.

"You were the first girl to deck me. I guess that's where it started."

Tsunade just shook her head, but, like a stubborn sunrise, I could see the grin twitching at the corners of her lips. She tilted her head up, and I was relieved to see a full on smile on her face. With a few quick steps, she was almost in my arms and did something rather surprising. She wrapped her arms around me in a hug.

I felt a slight pang, fearing this was rejection, only softnend a touch because she wasn't ready to deck me and deny me as usual because she was sleepy or something. People did change in thirty years.

Then she did something else that completely floored me.

Tsunade stood on tiptoe, grabbed my jaw, pulled it down and kissed me straight on the lips.

* * *

**What do you think of my first Naruto oneshot? YES, this will STAY a oneshot. Unless I get at least 10 reviews telling me they want more, ok? I've got enough on my hands as is right now, but I had to post this. :3 These two are so sweet! And yes, Naruto is a baka and a gaki of the highest order in this one. **

**The moral of this story: Don't pull impulse pranks on the Sannin. **

**-June**


	2. Chapter 2

**LEMON AHEAD! LEMON AHEAD! LEMON AHEAD! LEMON AHEAD! **

**LEMON= Sexual Scenes**

Sexy Jutsu 2

Frozen in shock, I couldn't respond properly. Tsunade slowly lowered herself, her head tilting down. When she spoke again, her voice was husky and low.

"Didn't know I was that out of practice kissing."

I blinked, a little embarrassed that she caught me that off guard.

"You haven't been at the sake, have you?"

Tsunade glared up at me, fist clenching as she growled, "You idiot...!"

She then looked sideways, and I saw that flush come back to her cheeks. Her hands unfolded from fists, and she sighed.

"Why do I always have to be drunk to want anything to do with you? People do change. Especially after thirty damn years."

"I'm going on personal experience, Hime. The only time you ever propositioned me was that night you got completely wasted with your drinking friends back in Konoha. And that was in an alley."

Tsunade's face reddened, "Well, I'm not drunk! Couldn't you taste it if I was drunk anyways?!" She was turning away, intending to go.

Which was when I realized I was almost letting go of the best thing that had ever happened to me. For whatever reason. She didn't seem drunk anyways... I still had the niggling feeling though that nothing would change from this.

Almost without realizing it, I had my arms around Tsunade, effectively trapping her. To my surprise, I could feel her heart rate increase, and her body tensed in an almost panic reaction.

"Tsunade...?"

Man, that was embarrassingly gravelly. I really was trying to ignore my growing hard on. I cleared my throat, clutching her closer with my arms around her tiny waist. It was a wonder she'd kept her looks like this. She was an almost carbon copy of the beautiful woman I remembered. Only better, because here she was, alive and in my arms where I'd longed for her to be.

Just to get a rise out of her (maybe), I gently cupped the breasts I'd longed to hold. The hard on became irrepressible once I felt them; she didn't wear a bra anymore...

"Didn't have my size, in case you're wondering..."

The nosebleed came on a minute later.

Well, how could I help it when she says stuff like that...?

She wiggled, turning around and calmly stemming the nosebleed by pinching my nose. I blinked, befuddled; wasn't she supposed to be scared of blood now?

"Shut up. It's just a damn nosebleed. And you're different. You've always been."

This time, I leaned down to kiss her deeply. She had no idea how much I appreciated that. The feeling that nothing would change was slowly going, but I still had the niggling sensation.

That was washed away when she wrapped her arms around my neck, opening her mouth around my lips. I still wasn't sure what had brought this on, but I also decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth.

Or, in this case, an angel in the mouth.

My hands automatically drifted to her hair. I fisted a hand in it, reveling in the silky feel of the liquid gold I had envied from afar. One hand rested securely on her ass, supporting her when she leaned into it, with a low moan. Our noses brushed, which told me how deep the kiss had become.

Personally, I never wanted to come up for air. Her tongue was exploring my mouth, and I let her, reveling in the feeling of not being in control sexually for a bit. Then I took it back.

I could feel her surprise as she stiffened a little bit, surprise and habit hardening her to me. But, to my surprise, she didn't throw me off. Instead, she allowed my tongue into her mouth. I could feel her whole body trembling slightly; she was scared. Scared at not being in control. My heart melted all over again for this woman that I thought I had put out of my mind. In that moment, I silently promised myself that I would never, ever abuse what she had just given me.

Her trust.

My throat clogged, and I abruptly needed air. Her trust was a rarer commodity than anything else on this earth, and more precious to me than anything else.

I gently explored her, my hand caressing her ass and the other still too wrapped up in her hair to do much else. I grunted in surprise when she pressed to close into me, resulting in us toppling over.

One breathless moment later, I regained my wits. She was staring down at me with a mixture of surprise and lust evident in her eyes. Those amber eyes... A man could drown in them. I cradled her close- the perverted side of me relishing the feeling of her magnificent breasts squeezed to my chest. She darted in and claimed my lips moments later.

I enjoyed that for a bit, until I drew back to breathe and plan my next move. She hooked her small fingers into the mesh I wore, fiddling with it and looking at my chest, and I realized she wasn't flustered at all seeing me naked. Or nearly naked. Granted, she'd probably seen plenty of men naked (she was a medical ninja, duh), but it hurt a little that she wasn't turned on.

The kiss she placed in the hollow of my neck told me otherwise, though. Even though I'd had the same gambit used a dozen times, it made me shiver all over again when it was Tsunade doing that. It really didn't help when I felt a long, slow caress with an almost catlike tongue from jaw all the way down to the place she'd kissed moments ago. When I felt the soft suckle on my skin, I barely caught a noise between a groan and a growl. It was time to take back control of this situation.

I gently tugged her off of me, and turned us over, laying her down on my bed carefully. She looked up at me, amber eyes surprised, as I bent my head to her breasts. Past time to give these beauties their due.

I softly cupped them, caressing them lightly, almost teasingly. I just wanted to feel their weight in my hands, savor my time with them... I scooped them out of the all too restraining shirt. Her nipples fascinated me; no other woman had them quite so dark pink... Or so damn luscious it could make a man starve to see them and not be able to touch... To taste...

"Get to the point, Jiraiya."

Her voice had been roughened by lust, which I took as a good sign. That meant I was doing exactly what I wanted to do. I lightly rubbed my cheek against the silken, once forbidden skin and then started to taste them. Licking my tongue across the silky space, I ignored the nipples, which soon darkened with the need for attention. A raspy grunt from Tsunade and subsequent squirming told me how uncomfortable the owner of the nipples was growing the more I ignored them.

I couldn't stand it anymore. My mouth latched onto her nipple, and started suckling thirstily. My other hand was reverently caressing her other, huge breast. From the moans elicited from Tsunade, I was doing a proper job. I started suckling deeper. _Kami, heaven can't be better... _

My free hand started to caress lower, lower. This was what I had dreamed of since we were fifteen and Tsunade, at last, started to fill out. I wanted to take my time. Her stomach was the same pale color as the rest of her skin, warm and toned. I groaned, nearly to bursting when I saw her labia. Softly stroking it with a finger, half-fearing that she would break, I elicited a growling moan from Tsunade's lips.

Instead of sliding my finger into her, I brought my tongue to bear. Her legs twitched in surprise, and she moaned when I caressed her nethers. Stroking until I found her special spot, I stroked it once, twice, thrice...

With a loud, keening cry, Tsunade came.

* * *

**SORRY! I know I ended badly here, it just refused to allow me to finish any other way! DX It's a little unrealistic how quick they went to lust, but maybe they could go from zero to sixty in three seconds flat, if you know what I mean... **

**Anyways. What do you think of my second attempt at lemon? Forgive me for any inaccuracies please! And bring them to my attention so I can fix it. **

**Wow, this was hard lemon for me... **

**Please leave a review! **

**Virtual cookies to all who review! **

**-June**


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